Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Are we still banned from the library?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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