We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
