so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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