I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
