she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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