oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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