I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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