You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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