literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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