My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
