Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
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I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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