Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You need a sexual gate keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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