I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You made out with two different species that night
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
