Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
