The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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