We tried having a conversation with our noses.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Let's paint friendship bongs
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
