Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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