dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Randomize
