can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
