Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
