he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
