Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The air was thick with penises
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
