I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
