That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
