I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
