I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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