I am full of burrito and curiosity
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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