Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
