shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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