I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
