Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize