Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
