You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
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that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
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are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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