Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
