but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
