Pappa wants mamma naked
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Randomize
