you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
