margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
