ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
