i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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