i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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