I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
