haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
