dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
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But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
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Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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