if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
