she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
