I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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