A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Just puked most of my soul out..
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
