This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
