I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize