**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize