I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
