i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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