Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize