Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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