I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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