You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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