we have officially lost it.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
smell my finger.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
