i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
