lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
