hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
