Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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