Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
