Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
