Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
