Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So apparently I’m into choking now
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
