i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
