all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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