i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
