Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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