So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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