dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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