it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
