There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
