if i can run in heels then i can drive
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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