I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
