I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
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I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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