I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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