she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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