Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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